Your ego is overprotective and keeps you from all that’s new and exciting.

Always vigilant

The Mother Hen means well. She excuses herself with the best of intentions and makes you believe that everything she does is for your own good. Mother Hen is conservative and as such occupied with stability and maintaining the status quo of your life.

Mother Hen is eternally concerned and vigilant. She keeps an eye on shifts in your environment, new conditions and changes among the people around you. 

Being the co-founder of the Headlight coaching firm, of course I am being coached myself. It keeps me in shape and helps me develop professionally and personally. 

My coach is named Shelly Millsap and is one of our own Headlight coaches.

The other day, I was having my weekly session with her, and I was contemplating what to discuss with her. 

I couldn’t think of anything, so I asked a handful of my colleagues, “I’m seeing Shelly in a minute, and I don’t quite know what to talk to her about. Does anyone have a suggestion?”

Riina, our Head of Relations, took a deep breath and replied with her usual compassion and sense of diplomacy: “Erik, I know that you love sharing your knowledge with us. You do it with great enthusiasm, and please keep it up. But the way you do it means that you often interrupt us when we speak. I think that’s a shame, and I suggest you bring that up with Shelly.”

Just as Riina finished her sentence, I felt my inner Mother Hen rising above me with her protective wings and sharp beak. “Who does she think she is! To speak to me like that. The boss of them all! And in the presence of the entire staff.”

I calmed down my Mother Hen and reminded her that I had solicited the input, and that the proposal might bring a great opportunity for myself and people around me. Mother Hen reluctantly retreated, and I sent Riina a coy smile and thanked her for the input.

This may be a bit too therapy-ish for some of you, but this is my approach to the world. 

In my conversation with Coach Shelly, I learned that the underlying reason I interrupt is that I feel obliged to contribute, contribute and then contribute some more in the presence of others in order to feel that I’m good enough.

Through our conversation I also became aware how much I miss out on by interrupting and being an impatient listener. The session ended with Shelly suggesting that I, instead of just waiting for my turn to speak, I could hold the space during the conversation.

Sitting on my hands

It was very inspiring to understand my personal point of view and find a new way of having conversations with other people. Since then, I have made it a habit to sit on my hands while conversing to remind myself that it’s someone else’s turn. 

It’s hard to control my ego, and Mother Hen still shows up almost daily. But I recognize her more often and faster, and I keep getting more conscious about how she impedes my development.

Mother Hen has always taken care of me and still does, but my emancipation process is in full swing. And my ego and I keep improving and nuancing our relationship. We have agreed that the roles need to be reversed, so I am in charge, not my overly concerned ego. I have decided to take on new challenges despite my ego’s fear.

Successes and failures and everything in-between; bring it on!

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” said Roosevelt in his famous 1933 inauguration speech.

When I first heard the sentence, it made a great impression on me and intrigued me to understand what this ego is that apparently stops me and creates fear when none is needed. 

It only got more exciting when I watched Guy Ritchie’s “Revolver”. The credits include a few minutes of interview clips with different experts like Deepak Chopra. About the ego he says this:

“There is no such thing as an external enemy, no matter what that voice in your head is telling you. All perception of an enemy is a projection of the ego as the enemy.”

Like a Mother Hen, your ego has one singular purpose: to protect you from the unknown and make sure you get through life safely.  

Always vigilant

The Mother Hen means well. She excuses herself with the best of intentions and makes you believe that everything she does is for your own good. Mother Hen is conservative and as such occupied with stability and maintaining the status quo of your life.

Mother Hen is eternally concerned and vigilant. She keeps an eye on shifts in your environment, new conditions and changes among the people around you. 

Being the co-founder of the Headlight coaching firm, of course I am being coached myself. It keeps me in shape and helps me develop professionally and personally. 

My coach is named Shelly Millsap and is one of our own Headlight coaches.

The other day, I was having my weekly session with her, and I was contemplating what to discuss with her. 

I couldn’t think of anything, so I asked a handful of my colleagues, “I’m seeing Shelly in a minute, and I don’t quite know what to talk to her about. Does anyone have a suggestion?”

Riina, our Head of Relations, took a deep breath and replied with her usual compassion and sense of diplomacy: “Erik, I know that you love sharing your knowledge with us. You do it with great enthusiasm, and please keep it up. But the way you do it means that you often interrupt us when we speak. I think that’s a shame, and I suggest you bring that up with Shelly.”

Just as Riina finished her sentence, I felt my inner Mother Hen rising above me with her protective wings and sharp beak. “Who does she think she is! To speak to me like that. The boss of them all! And in the presence of the entire staff.”

I calmed down my Mother Hen and reminded her that I had solicited the input, and that the proposal might bring a great opportunity for myself and people around me. Mother Hen reluctantly retreated, and I sent Riina a coy smile and thanked her for the input.

This may be a bit too therapy-ish for some of you, but this is my approach to the world. 

In my conversation with Coach Shelly, I learned that the underlying reason I interrupt is that I feel obliged to contribute, contribute and then contribute some more in the presence of others in order to feel that I’m good enough.

Through our conversation I also became aware how much I miss out on by interrupting and being an impatient listener. The session ended with Shelly suggesting that I, instead of just waiting for my turn to speak, I could hold the space during the conversation.

Sitting on my hands

It was very inspiring to understand my personal point of view and find a new way of having conversations with other people. Since then, I have made it a habit to sit on my hands while conversing to remind myself that it’s someone else’s turn. 

It’s hard to control my ego, and Mother Hen still shows up almost daily. But I recognize her more often and faster, and I keep getting more conscious about how she impedes my development.

Mother Hen has always taken care of me and still does, but my emancipation process is in full swing. And my ego and I keep improving and nuancing our relationship. We have agreed that the roles need to be reversed, so I am in charge, not my overly concerned ego. I have decided to take on new challenges despite my ego’s fear.

Successes and failures and everything in-between; bring it on!